Owning Your Power
By: by Martin Brofman, Ph.D. | Alternative Health
Owning your power, your power to be real, to be who you really are, is really about owning your freedom. Consider how your reasons for not being yourself may have been to get the love or approval of others. Then, you have given others the power to decide your way of being, and thus keeping yourself from being free. In many ways, you have been giving away your power/freedom by your ways of speaking and thinking, and being.
For example, when you say or think something like, "That person makes me angry," you have given your power/freedom to decide whether or not to be angry, to that person. You have said that you are powerless, and that that person has the power to decide when you will be angry.
You can choose to not do that any more.
It would be more appropriate to say something like, "I get angry when that person does that." In that way, you get to see that you are the one that has made you angry, and also that you can decide to feel that, or something else.
No one but you "makes you" feel angry, or sad, or depressed, or happy, or sexy, or bored, etc. Since you are now in the process of deciding for yourself about your life, and your choices, and your actions, and your feelings, and what you see, why not own your decision-making power on all levels?
Be aware of the words that you use, because they do form the basis of your thought patterns. Listen to your words, and notice whether they reflect your freedom to decide for yourself what you feel or do.
Do you say, "Let me do this," asking for permission, or do you express your desires by saying, "I would like to do this," or even "I am going to do this?" Do you say, "That person manipulated me," or "I allowed myself to be manipulated?" Whatever you have been doing that has not been working for you, you can choose to not do any more.
Have you kept yourself from expressing what you really wanted to because of what you thought someone else would think? Then, you have given control of your power of speech to that person.
You are free, you know. Are you willing to own your freedom?
Have you kept yourself from looking at something or someone because of what another person might think? Then, you have given your freedom of choice to see what you want, to that person.
Have you kept yourself from doing what you want because of what another person would think? You have given away your freedom of action. You have kept yourself from speaking, from acting, from seeing what was real for you. Clear vision is related to allowing yourself to be real, and trusting that - in fact, insisting on that.
In owning your freedom, you must also be willing to recognize others' freedom. No one gives you your freedom - it's already yours. It's just up to you to be free. In the same way, you do not give others their freedom. You may only acknowledge that they have it.
When you do something, others are free to feel about it as they choose. For you, though, you are just being real, and acting with love and freedom as your motivations. If you are misunderstood, you can choose to clear the misunderstanding through communication. It is not necessary for you to change your way of Being because of the way another feels. If you choose to change, it must be because it makes sense to you to do things another way.
In the same way, if another person does something that you choose to feel not-good about, that's your choice. That person, too, is free. If the not-good feeling is the result of a misunderstanding, it can be cleared through communication. Don't assume anything. Ask, and then know.
If the not-good feeling is the result of attachments you need to release on your path to clarity and freedom, you can find another way of thinking and feeling that feels better for you, one in which you are not deciding what the other person should do differently, but rather what you need to do differently.
If you expect the other person to change their way of Being because of the way you feel, then you are wanting to control that person. If you don't want to be controlled, are you willing to stop controlling?
Perhaps in the past, when you've looked at a situation which you did not consider optimal, you've decided what someone else should have done differently, or should do differently in the future. When you really own your power and your freedom, you do not do that any more - rather, you only decide what you could have done differently then, and what you can do differently from now on, in the future. When you are sincere about this, your thoughts are included in the process, as well. As long as you find yourself thinking what other people should do, or think, or feel, you have not totally owned your power or your freedom.
If you want to own your freedom, are you willing to recognize others' freedom as well? Then, you also see that you do not make others sad, but they may decide to feel that way when you do something. You do not make them happy, either - they choose to feel that when you do something.
No matter what you do, or say, some people will approve, and others will not. You have the freedom to decide which people you will be with. If you choose to be with those who judge you, you may feel like a weed in a garden, constantly feeling as though you need to defend yourself and your way of Being.